Missing...

Lately I have been really home sick. Not the “I miss driving, Starbucks and hot water” kind of homesick (although I do:)), but the loneliness kind of homesick. I feel lonely right now and I miss my friends. Of course I have missed them all along these last few months…but lately it is different. Lately I have this deep down aching desire to be around people who know me…really know me…in the deep down knowing kind of way. When someone knows your strengths and encourages you in them…but also knows your faults and weaknesses and loves you anyway. When you can be serious and silly all at the same time and go from laughing to crying and back to laughing again in 2.3 seconds. The kind of friendships that take years to develop…or maybe just one girls night sharing life stories with the movie paused:)

Don’t get me wrong. I am by no means alone here. I have my husband who I adore and am so incredibly thankful for. There is now way I could be here without him and that I know for sure. But, our friends have always been an important part of our relationship…we both have them and spend time with them outside of each other. And we have an amazing team and there are wonderful women in the church and all around me. Yes, there are language barriers, different life stages and age differences but I know these friendships will develop and I am excited for those…but right now, at this moment, I just miss my friends and that’s okay. I have to come to the realization that because I having a bit of a hard time does not mean that I am weak or failing or that I don’t want to be here. In fact, I have never not wanted to be here…only wished that I could go home to visit for an evening or that they could come here:) It just means that I miss them and I should…I have amazing friends…more than worthy of some good tears and missing:)

This last weekend when we were in Lima I was beyond blessed to have two wonderful conversations with two of my dearest friends via skype. It was just what I had needed and left feeling encouraged and refreshed by them…thank you friends:) That evening I began to think about friendships and being known and was overwhelmed by the love of my Father in Heaven. A Father that loves me and knows me deeply--deeper and better than anyone else. I thought about how I really don’t know real loneliness because I can’t remember a time I didn’t know that my Heavenly Father loves me and cares for me. How thankful I am that I have a God that knows me deep down…all the ugly and selfishness too…and loves me anyway. We all want to be known and loved in this way. I began to reflect on the people in this city we are in now, Iquitos…and the people of Puerto Maldonado that we will be serving next. How many of them have a deep down aching desire to be known by their creator that surpasses any loneliness I am feeling now? How many of them are hurting and broken and feel unlovable and have an emptiness only Christ can fill. When I reflect on these things I am reminded yet again of why we are here, why we left our family and friends (and hot water and starbucks:)), to share the life and love that only Christ can give to the wonderful people of this country!